


surely there must be stars

by skatzaa



Category: Star Wars: Ahsoka - E. K. Johnston
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Post-Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, Supportive Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-08-14 00:56:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20183584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skatzaa/pseuds/skatzaa
Summary: The Sith were dead. Ahsoka went home.





	surely there must be stars

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LittleRaven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleRaven/gifts).

> Hello! LittleRaven, Kaeden and Ahsoka are very dear to me, and I was so pleased to see that you had requested them. I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Do you ever feel your writing style being influenced by the books you read/listen to? I've listened to the audiobooks for all three of Jane Harper's books in the past few weeks, and though the content isn't even remotely similar, I heard echos of her style while reading over this fic. It's funny how writing works, sometimes.

Ahsoka knew the truth long before she clawed her way out of the jungle, stumbled into the small port town, and onto her trusty old freighter. She knew before her comlink lit up with an official incoming transmission, Mon Mothma’s face tiny and blue and grave as she gave the news.

She had known from the moment she startled awake—the only thing that kept her on her sleep perch was the safety rope she had tied around her waist just after sundown—feeling that decades’ old vice finally,  _ finally _ loosen its grip on her heart.

The Sith were dead. They had reached, at long last, the beginning of the end.

Kaeden was sitting at the table, staring at her hands, when Ahsoka entered the house, pack slung over one shoulder. Her hair was braided and twisted up out of the way, a practical style that suited her wife entirely. Ahsoka dropped the pack and cleared her throat.

Big, brown eyes flew up and focused on her—with the light from overhead, they were nearly the color of warm honey and all the more beautiful for it. Chair legs scraped against the floor as Kaeden shot to her feet.

“Careful,” Ahsoka said. “Your knee.”

“Screw my knee,” Kaeden said, and threw herself forward. “You’re  _ home.” _

Ahsoka caught her and crushed her to her chest, turning her face toward the sweet scent of her wife. She hugged Kaeden tighter and breathed out, it seemed, for the first time in eternity.

Rain drummed against the roof and windows. The darkness from the storm pressed in close, held at bay only by the small pool of light spilling from the lamp at the table.

Ahsoka shifted, rolling from her back to her side so she could look down at Kaeden. She received an eye roll and a sleepy smile in return.

The sheets were cool and smooth against her bare skin, more expensive than anything she’d ever been able to afford in her life. The same, she knew, was true for Kaeden. The roles of a spy and a field surgeon weren’t exactly glamorous, but the Rebel Alliance took care of its own, especially now that the war had been officially declared won.

Kaeden brought up one hand and trailed her fingers along Ahsoka’s right lekku, leaving a shiver of sensation in her wake.

“They won’t let me retire,” Ahsoka said, voice barely louder than the rain. It was the topic she had been avoiding all day, since the moment her boots graced the threshold of their most recent home. “Fulcrum is too valuable—especially with all the Imps we still need to clean up.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Kaeden’s voice was amused. Then she sighed and rolled so that her head rested on the soft spot between Ahsoka’s shoulder and neck, nestled close to her lekku. “I also know you. You’re not one to sit out in the garden while there’s still work to be done out there. Plus, there’s plenty to keep me busy while you’re off saving the galaxy.”

Ahsoka let herself smile, though Kaeden couldn’t see it. She said, “I think, between the medical degree and your farming experience, that you do more saving than I do.”

Kaeden snorted, but didn’t argue.

Quiet, broken by the distant rumble of thunder. Ahsoka hadn’t been on a planet as rain stricken as this one since Kamino. 

“I’ll be gone for a long time,” Ahsoka whispered, fixing her eyes on the way Kaeden’s loose braids spilled across the pillow, even when Kaeden pulled back to look at her.

“I know,” Kaeden said simply. “It’s okay, so long as you keep coming back.”

Ahsoka folded in her elbows and allowed Kaeden to pull her in close. She was tired, so tired she wanted nothing more than to stay here forever, wrapped in warmth and love and sleepy satedness. But she knew Kaeden was right; as soon as Mon or Draven—no matter how much she loathed the man—commed her, she wouldn’t hesitate before firing up her ship and shooting off to whatever world or conflict needed her particular brand of assistance. It didn’t make her any less tired, though.

Black.

Ahsoka could hear nothing but her own breath, heavy and uneven in the quiet. It must be the middle of the night, at least. The rain had stopped, and the house was eeriely silent without the sounds of it.

She breathed in through her nose, out through her mouth. Her heart thundered in her chest; she could feel her pulse in her Force-forsaken  _ lekku. _

“Ahsoka?” Kaeden’s voice floated to her from the other side of the bed, rough and thick with sleep. A hand followed a moment later, landing on Ahsoka’s sternum. Kaeden pressed down harder, grounding Ahsoka with her touch.

“It was nothing,” Ahsoka said, trying to free herself from the twisted sheets without disturbing Kaeden further. She gave up after a few seconds and laid there, frustrated, staring up at a ceiling she couldn’t see.  _ How _ could it be so dark? If the rain had stopped, surely there must be stars? “Just a dream.”

It was a bit of an understatement. 

Kaeden scooted closer until she could rest her head on Ahsoka’s breast, one arm wrapped around Ahsoka’s stomach, a foot thrown over her legs. She let the pressure sink her into the bed, further away from the remnants of the dream. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kaeden asked, her voice soft. She sounded more awake, and Ahsoka felt a pang of regret that she had woken her.

She shook her head, then hesitated. It had been over a month since she’d received word that the war was over, a month since she’d fired up the ship’s engines and headed to Endor. She’d been thankful, then, that the planet was only a few sectors over, manageable even without access to the major hyperspace lanes; the sooner she got there, she’d thought, the sooner she could get home to Kaeden. She’d only arrived here, on this nameless, rainy planet the Alliance was using to house it’s off duty medical personnel—of which, she’d noticed, there weren’t many of these days—less than twelve hours before.

“I met Luke,” she said finally, more to break the oppressive stillness of the room than out of any genuine desire to talk about it. “Luke Skywalker, remember?”

Kaeden hummed. “Yeah. I fit him for his first prosthetic hand.”

“You did?” She blinked uselessly. “You never mentioned that.”

She felt Kaeden shrug, the movement awkward because of the way she was lying. 

“I wasn’t sure…” she trailed off, but she didn’t need to finish her thought. Ahsoka understood what she meant, no matter how the sentence ended.

“We talked for a while,” Ahsoka said, unearthing one hand from the sheets and bringing it up to rest on Kaeden’s side. They had talked for a long time, really, the ashes of Vader’s funeral pyre cold at their feet. About good things, mostly, like Yoda’s habit of thwacking his pupils across the shins, and Obi-Wan’s ability to warp the truth as it suited him in that situation. Well, maybe those hadn’t been great things, now that she reflected on it. But that had been better than what followed.

“He…” her throat worked as she struggled to find the right words. She tried again. “He said Vader turned back to the Light, in his final moments. That he saved Luke from Palpatine.”

Kaeden squeezed her gently. Ahsoka turned her face away, despite the dark. Her eyes burned.

The dream flashed over her again: Vader, and Anakin, and Ahsoka. Modulated breathing. Red light. Pain.

She shuddered.

“He trained me for years, gave me my lightsabers.” The last ones, the ones still buried somewhere on Mandalore. “He was the closest thing I had to a father, and I  _ know  _ he loved me, even more than he should’ve as a Jedi.” 

Her throat felt tight, like someone was Force choking her. She gasped for breath.

“Why didn’t he—why wasn’t I—”

Ahsoka broke off, pushing her knuckles against her lips. Tears, hot and wet, slid down her cheeks as she muffled the sounds that wanted to burst out of her. Kaeden came closer, shushing her gently and wiping away the tears as they fell. 

_ Why wasn’t she enough? _

He had Fallen for Padmé. He’d come back for Luke. Even when he’d been face to face with Ahsoka, face to face with the reality of his horrible, gut-wrenching betrayal, she hadn’t been enough.

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” she rasped, after she’d finally gotten herself somewhat under control once more. And Kaeden, dear, sweet Kaeden, took her at her word, like she always did.

Just before she succumbed to sleep once more, Ahsoka noticed, on the very edges of her awareness. the faint patter of rain. 

The room was gray when she woke; either dawn had yet to arrive, or the early morning light couldn’t be seen through the cloud cover. Ahsoka turned, propping herself up on one elbow to watch Kaeden shift in her sleep. Her wife settled after a moment, face now tilted in Ahsoka’s directions, her lips parted slightly as she breathed. The scarf Kaeden used to tie up her hair at night would be the brightest thing in the room, if it weren’t for Ahsoka herself.

She reached out, then hesitated, not wanting to disturb Kaeden after last night. Finally, she pulled her hand back and settled simply for watching.

_ The Sith were dead. _ For the first time, the implications of what that truly meant nudged up against her conscious. She’d still have to be careful when using the Force, but she didn’t have to be  _ afraid. _

Ahsoka sat up, crossing her legs beneath her and resting her hands on her knees. Using the peace that radiated off of Kaeden as an anchor, she allowed her presence in the Force to unfurl completely, for perhaps the first time in decades. She sank into the Force, delighting in the ease of it.

The Darkness still lingered, but it didn’t press in close. It didn’t attempt to overwhelm her with despair and hopelessness and fury.

Ahsoka mediated in the Light.

She surfaced some time later and found Kaeden awake beside her, engrossed in a datapad. The worst of the tension had left her; she didn’t think she’d felt this good since the last time she’d been happy at the Temple, when she was a young padawan.

Kaeden looked up when Ahsoka stretched and set her datapad aside.

“Feeling better?” she asked, and Ahsoka nodded. “Someone tried to contact you on your comlink a while ago. Several someones, from the sound of it.”

Ahsoka kept herself still. They both knew what that meant; not even a day to herself, and the Alliance already called her back to them.

She looked at Kaeden, at the bright scarf in her hair and the tiny creases on her face—some were from her pillowcase, probably, but others, the ones gathered at the corners of her eyes and around her mouth, were the result of long years. And most of those years had been spent far, far away from one another.

Mind made up, Ahsoka summoned the comlink to her hand, and didn’t miss the slight disappointment in Kaeden’s expression before she hid it. She switched the comlink to silent mode, and sent it back to the dresser she’d left it on the night before. 

The dawning hope in Kaeden’s eyes meant more to her than anything the galaxy had to offer.

“They can wait,” Ahsoka said, and she meant it.

**Author's Note:**

> I like the thought of Ahsoka learning to be a little selfish, especially at this stage in her life, with the worst of it firmly behind her. Maybe it's out of character for what we know of her, but *shrugs* I just want my ladies to be happy and in love together, you know?
> 
> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated.


End file.
